when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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