Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
