Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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