Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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