it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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