She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
