So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
