actually, I'm a sock model
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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