HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
