i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
