There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
