And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My cat gives me a boner
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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