I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
