Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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