The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
