Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
