Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
