Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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