Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
