i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
