I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
