tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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