It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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