would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
