A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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