just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
