really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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