we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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