Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i jhust puked up my retainher.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
