In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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