Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Drake has all the answers
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
