I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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