either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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