why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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