I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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