This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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