Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
