I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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