Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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