is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
