Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
