I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
