I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
