She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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