VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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