there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
