That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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