he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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