i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
