You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
