i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
