She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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