he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
