I want to make a zoo with you.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
