You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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