I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
